Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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