some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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