this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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