if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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