I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
