how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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he fucked my hip out of place.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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