so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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