That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
