dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
