speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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