Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
