Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
