Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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