tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
