you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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