Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
