Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize