; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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