My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
