I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
