half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
