I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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