Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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