did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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