Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
