Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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