I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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