So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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