My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I love you. Go after that dick
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
