Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
