So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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