I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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