yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
