ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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