i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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