I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
