She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
