In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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