he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
