i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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