i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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