clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
