Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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