you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
