can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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