that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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