Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
