hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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