...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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