i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize