Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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