So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
