I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
