Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
