I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
