I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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