apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
