Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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