If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
