yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
