You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
