He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize