Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just high enough for therapy.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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