wrigley field is MILF paradise
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
