and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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