I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
