We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
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