my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
