My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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