Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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