Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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