You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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