i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
