There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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