I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
