i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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