He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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