I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
40s are totally the cure
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
