went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
