Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
