okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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