Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
