Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
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